otherwise, it will not

sleepless night again and the flow of thoughts distract me from the rhythm ….
I realize every day that I am driven to despair by the simplest thing – the freedom that I cannot enjoy. I understand that the virus cis is still overclocking and will still overclock everyone and everything ….
yesterday I found out that he had taken me to my homeland too ….. I don’t know how to proceed because I want my promises to be broken again.
I want to escape from the boarding house, but everything comes to promise because I try to be a man of the word.

I’m annoyed, in a hopeless situation I just go crazy that I go crazy.
I don’t know when everything will end, but the hole in my life – no travel and wandering, no healthy people and I live openly closed.

when I was on the day I dreamed of freedom, but now everything seems so that it was better to stay closed …. sometimes it seems that I closed myself to any of it

is it worth it?

these walls oppress me and don’t give me peace, I need someone to free me from my lockdown which is still sitting in my brain ……
I spoke to the medical staff today and realized that I would still need to be quarantined and still need to be tested as far as I realized otherwise ….

but I need a journey so that I can see everything with new eyes with thoughts and emotions.
although I went back to wait for things to change, maybe. because at the end of the month a project that is expensive and my own …..

To Be Continued

fear of falling asleep, fear of getting up and going …..

…. after a sense of victory or freedom comes sickness and frustration. I feel that way today and that lockdown is still sitting in my brain.

maybe it’s from injecting drugs today, and I would still have to think about “drug drugs” and give up that stomach.

I’m afraid to fall asleep because I’m still counting the possible options for my conversation with I.Ž. I always try to follow the saying “wait for the best and hope for the worst” but now I am afraid. I’m afraid I’ll need to be quarantined, and everything in my life is back to where I ran from.

looking for a solution – to fly, stay or run…. just, I don’t know if there is a threat of quarantine, I wouldn’t agree and still better demand a test.

I don’t know, it’s hard to think sober, but my desire to get on the road and on the journey drives me crazy. I never thought I would miss it all that way.

new start

the demons are coming back and I have a lot of work to do with myself, but I will not give up, I will not give up and I will not run again. I will not run away because I want to live MY life that I create for myself.

my sister was right, I don’t have to depend on others. and today I realized that peace depends on me and no one will push me when I manage to be calm

the first day of freedom

we finally overcame the quarantine and life got a little more interesting.
but we still have some restrictions but we can already go out for a walk around the town

but we have to be on the lookout for when and how much we will be, the temperature is still measured and signatures are placed, but it already smells of a bit of that freedom.

tomorrow I will try to go even further, to my community meeting …. I don’t know how it will be and if it will release me so early but God knows and wants me to be among the believers again ….

But every good thing is tested by fire, today I encountered HIM again, and again everything started again …. although we live on separate floors but the inner yard did not accommodate us again …..
He was drunk again, at least it seemed to me, and if it weren’t for my friend’s gaze, I would have smashed a cup of coffee on HIS head. but that didn’t happen and I’m glad my friend saved me …..

now I am looking for a way out of the fight against windmills because I understand everything and I want to run away from the situation like I was running or hiding all the time ….
the first decision I still keep in my mind is to change the boarding house. but here I may find myself in an even worse situation than I am now

Rock out (I overcame)

I finally overcome myself and the longest weekend since I start living in a boarding house ….

it was hard and sometimes I thought that everything with that quarantine was done on purpose. sometimes it seemed like I could pack my backpack to escape and no one would find me for a while.

but it doesn’t work out, and I still keep my promise because I’m the man of my word ….

I have beaten myself and I am happy ….. only the future will show how it will be next. two days left to wait

There are three days left

Or rather, almost three days. And when you think everything is just a dream in which your destiny and hopes depended only on you. The mythical hammer struck well through my psyche and emotions and it was as if everything appeared like a mirror.

During the quarantine, I learned a lot, both about myself and others. Living in fours brought many challenges, but also experience and a desire to adapt to other people.
Although my inner wanderer suffered, I learned to ask for help and understanding .. although everyone was in their shells. Sometimes it seemed like this whole story would never end, and a mythical hammer would knock you over the head more and more.

My first trip will be around my town where I live… .. and then social projects travel and other life pleasures that were before …… will begin. I am not waiting for what fate awaits me after the end of quarantine… …

It’s humble #lockdown selections beginning

Hey, Hey it’s me, NightWalker….. I select this selection for Dusk Tribe, and it was a humble beginning of Room Sessions, and it is almost finished…… next week we put a special Klajunas vs NightWalker songs of joy selection.

quarantine in my brain

Finally, it’s time to see if I can overcome myself.
My inner wanderer is restless and wants to escape from the boarding house.
I think a lot about it and see those months when we were quarantined and somehow I was able to stay calm I somehow didn’t make mistakes that would cause problems for others.

But now it seems to me that the situation is different when freedom has become full, we have remained close

the wanderer wants freedom at all costs and the promise is given and I will keep it ……

I feel like I’m burning and burning myself again.
Sometimes it seems that a sleepless night can drive me away again, and the rest may not happen.
Coffee, a computer, and cigarillos are my nightly recipe.
But lately, I’ve been thinking about quarantining myself and ending it, visiting suicidal thoughts again.

The quarantine will remain in my brain for a long time and then anything can happen… ..

tin ice, prison and high hopes

I feel like in prison, though perhaps, I had high hopes that I would finally be able to move from the point of death. I don’t know why but more and more I go crazy that everything is unclear neither how nor then. Although there is freedom now, that freedom would cost two weeks of isolation and two tests for the virus.

Sometimes it seems to me that I will not hold back and run away from the boarding house, although I have promised some that I will not do so and cause problems …..
I called a lot of my faithful friends and asked me to support me throughout the situation. I also called my psychologist and asked her to consult a doctor about medication. There is another solution, a solution possible but I don’t want to think about it. That decision is a hospital.
I try to convince myself that it won’t be long, I try, but the more I try, the more it doesn’t come out. I feel like a bug that can’t be fixed.
Although I know I have to find a way out and not act stupid, but the ice is too thin, but I hope I find something that will help me break out and not break.