fear of falling asleep, fear of getting up and going …..

…. after a sense of victory or freedom comes sickness and frustration. I feel that way today and that lockdown is still sitting in my brain.

maybe it’s from injecting drugs today, and I would still have to think about “drug drugs” and give up that stomach.

I’m afraid to fall asleep because I’m still counting the possible options for my conversation with I.Ž. I always try to follow the saying “wait for the best and hope for the worst” but now I am afraid. I’m afraid I’ll need to be quarantined, and everything in my life is back to where I ran from.

looking for a solution – to fly, stay or run…. just, I don’t know if there is a threat of quarantine, I wouldn’t agree and still better demand a test.

I don’t know, it’s hard to think sober, but my desire to get on the road and on the journey drives me crazy. I never thought I would miss it all that way.


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