that world will no longer be what it was, because it is full of unhealthy people, and I need a life that will build me up
sometimes it seems that the world in which I live curses me, it is difficult for me to live alone, even though I am and have been alone all my life.
I miss life on the road, and the road in life, weird music, and being in control of my life. I miss peace, spirit, and body, I miss who I was and who I was….
it’s just that life here and now is not for me, I need movement because I’m rusting in one place, my life hasn’t changed in eleven years, or, everything has changed…..
I miss the groove, I miss the road, and I miss the old me.
2022-12-11 08:45.33 pm: Kinda Magical Status – EK4T3 COLLECTIVE 
2022-12-11 08:49.04 pm: The Last Awakening – Superhuman Mix – Sick Man [Side-Line]
2022-12-11 08:53.34 pm: Object Observe 0.0 – Dtroy 
2022-12-11 08:57.04 pm: JENNIFER’S TELEPHATY – Humanfobia [💀▼💀]
2022-12-11 09:00.04 pm: Catching The Butterflies – Erell Ranson [Aesthetic Circle Records]
2022-12-11 09:06.14 pm: Grape Escape – Reflectomat 
2022-12-11 09:11.44 pm: Suéti – HALSPIRIT [Camembert Électrique]
2022-12-11 09:18.25 pm: Колеса (Wheels) – malkblood projeKct [Side-Line]
2022-12-11 09:22.26 pm: Планеты (Planets) – Proizvodstvo Proizvola [Side-Line]
2022-12-11 09:25.56 pm: Lo-Fi – Edge Of Town [Effect F]
2022-12-11 09:30.42 pm: Ukraina (Kant Kino Remix) – Iwan Lovynsky & KingSMarine [Side-Line]
2022-12-11 09:35.07 pm: ЗСУ Близько! (The ZSU Is Closeby!) (Feat. Daarina) – The Butcherzz & Suxxy [Side-Line]
2022-12-11 09:38.37 pm: Ukraina (Cubic Rave For Freedom) – Iwan Lovynsky & KingSMarine [Side-Line]
2022-12-11 09:41.58 pm: Stalker (Ukrainian Ghost) – Rudnic Ore [Side-Line]
2022-12-11 09:46.28 pm: Emm Dee 2022 – KR Seward [Camembert Électrique]
—->>>> VOD is Here (Available for 7 days)
I want to be on the road again, I want to rest from the boarding house and feel like a person again… next weekend, apparently, if the authorities are in a good mood.
today, an Advent poetry reading is planned, but I have almost nothing new because my work is frozen in ice…. I don’t see the desire and the point, but if you ask, I will participate.
by the way, the whole boarding house is going crazy, and it’s hard for me to communicate with unhealthy people again, somehow, I’m losing my vitality.
I know it all depends on me, but sometimes it turns into a prison, but how do you look here….
I’ve decided to revive my twitch streams and start a Wire Night Radio podcast every second Tuesday and third Wednesday.
I don’t know if I will talk much, if at all, but there will be a lot of music, and it will be varied.
follow me on this platform, music lists and specific times will be posted here
somewhere, there is strange music, coffee, and a 12-hour broadcast, and I don’t know if I will fall asleep somewhere on the way. but I still can and want to…
in my virtual world, it has already become a habit, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday…. sometimes it seems that week after week leads somewhere further than music, here I want to discover and not forget.
maybe it’s not good for my health, but I’ve found more than I lose, and there’s hope in my life, hope that someday it’ll be okay…..
sometimes, that’s all you need, isn’t it?
sometimes I want to disappear from this world because I think she won’t read my letter…
I realized that she doesn’t have or doesn’t want to understand another person’s (my) emotions and an explanation of what’s happening to me and what my world is.
I know she works by her system, and that system made me feel bad. and I still know that my world and my mood and understanding of the world will always be as it was…..
I want to disappear from the world where I am unheard, unseen, and treated like an object. it’s hard for me to control myself, you’ll see and hear what they want to tell me because what I’ve experienced lately is pulling me away from therapy and psychologists (psychiatrists)
the experiences of my world will always be with me and strange emotions and music in my head will always be a part of my world, and if you don’t want to hear me, then think about whether we are on our way.
the strange music haunts me again, and I would give anything for a drop of peace.
no, I want to dive into the night broadcasts again, even though I know it’s not good for my health. but yesterday’s DCD got me back into the rhythm of the night again…
looking forward to Tuesday raid train music I can’t resist.
all I have left are virtual worlds – music, cooking, and friends who appeared in my world, not by chance
it’s hard to open up because you’re afraid of getting burned. After all, you’re afraid of being misunderstood, but the world is made up of good people.
today, the broadcasts that transport me, it is difficult for me to accept other strangers in my life, but if I pretend (under a pseudonym) I can not be afraid and be myself.
but is it worth pretending, of course, it’s easier to act in virtual life, but I don’t want to, I want to be open with people who are open to me….. to share my world, because it saved me during the pandemic, and it keeps me now when I’m locked in a boarding house?
I know the time zones are not playing in my favor, but it’s my people, broadcasts, and friends…..
finally, the day I didn’t wait for has come, my “anniversary” at the boarding house…..
somehow, everything started to bother me, everything started to become boring and alien to me.
the town turned into an object of pointless walks, I realized that I was not expected and not seen…. somehow the boarding house authorities don’t want to help me and everything that was has become a flipside…. a flipside that I don’t control….
today I realized that my current life is further than far and that those who can help me have disappointed me. maybe it’s my own fault, but I’ve been feeling like I don’t belong in this space for a long time.
I know it’s just running away from myself, but maybe, small maybe, I’ll find my space and meaning… but now it’s still far than further…
I feel sleepy and drowning in blackness, I feel like the whole world is against me, and strange sounds, millions of them keep driving me to despair and anxiety….
am I here or there