illness and sense of necessity (random logic)

I want to be needed by someone because then I feel more stable and calmer.
you see, my illness needs to belong to someone. although now I feel more and more vulnerable because there is no purpose, no purpose for something because sometimes even yourself feel unnecessary. and then anything can happen.

so even today my curator at the boarding school helped me and still did not explain to me why she sees in me much more than I can see in myself.

sometimes it seems to me that some people specifically lead me to the limit, even though I know I will be to blame myself if I cross it. “singing pig” “fluff” and “chatter”, reappears characters that I would like to beat, but the border is very fragile ….. and not they would be guilty, but I and everything would go nowhere again.

I draw stupid people around me even though my life there was different. there were people I wanted and could communicate within my mind and understanding. I want to escape from the boarding house because I don’t see the point of having people interact with because everything leads to anger, fights, and other misunderstandings.


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