today I realized that I needed help that they would not give me. I decided to go to a psychiatric hospital and try to recover and myself and my strength there…
I understand that it will not be easy to ask for a referral to Novo Vileiska, and that the doctor will be angry at me, but let him decide my fate….
I can’t sleep or dream weird dreams about a fight with a father who had surgery for stage 4 brain cancer… sometimes I feel the blood that isn’t on my hands…. just, sometimes afraid to fall asleep because all thoughts and anxieties try to attack me in the evenings when there is no action.
The “quarantine” quarantine is also not easy, everything looks strange and the feeling that I (us) will be locked in the corridors again, explodes me from the inside. it seems that disasters are crossing one by one through my tired brain, and either I will be healed (with the help of a stranger) or everything will be over.
… That day, I feel anxious and don’t want to be alone in my own. sometimes it seems that everything goes “shabah” no matter how much I want to growl and I can’t stay “healthy” all the time talking to staff or social workers….
will the doctor give me a new phase of life, or will I finish everything myself?