monsters around me

I recently went to Klaipeda and met my sister, I accidentally asked about my father’s health, and I found out that he had absolutely nothing ….
and then dreams came back, dreams of me beating him, and I feel blood on my hands that really isn’t …
it hurts that everything is coming back again, i am afraid to fall asleep because i feel again that everything is falling apart i need the support and help that cost me so dearly again.