sometimes I wonder why there are two different types of people in this world, some called “surrendered” and others called “vigilant” I think I will never jump with a knife asking for medication no matter how hard I am and how much I am sick.
but remembering the “broken musician” he gave up, danced with a knife against an innocent doctor who didn’t give him medicine, although I don’t believe he was in pain, he sat more on the painkillers …… and he came back to do his order again and everything can happen again …. and I’m afraid he can attack his boarding colleagues so unpredictably.

and again the system did not work as it did all the time.

and I have to be “vigilant” to take care of myself and my illness. I have to play a positive character, and dive myself into my illness …. and if I behaved like that as a “broken musician” I would immediately get what belongs to me.

the system always works at that angle and those who really need help they will never get it or will get fucked off