organic hatred (then and now)

the first time I started to feel that feeling was the howling of my drunken father in pain and despair. then I realized I had to run away or I would kill my father. it was so strong that it was hard for me to control and manage my situation and feelings ….
then I wandered around Lithuania and Europe and when there was no money left i had to go home. and there he lived again in the same situation, and again all over again ….. then a fight, which I do not remember all and everything, a psychiatric hospital. and all over again …..

all that feeling has been renewed again lately …. organic hatred has reappeared in the boarding house, a place I would like to escape from so that I don’t feel that feeling again.
again a cabin of three people doing everything the other way around, and up to my spiritual and emotional level for them far away (I don’t boast but I feel that way). “broken musician”, “singing pig” and “fluff”, let’s call them that ….. I can’t avoid them, I can’t get around them, and anyway, all I’m trying to do is bounce into some weird desire to re-educate them ……

the hot feeling of that organic hatred seems to overcome but it repeats again and will probably repeat …..
but about it next time.
To Be Continued


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