banhammer, quarantine and my life – final chapter

Today, perhaps, is the last day we live in a quarantine situation. Today, I realized what delicious and precious freedom, a freedom I no longer want to lose. Finally, the stories of the rolling roof are over, and the desire to make the “leap of freedom” is finally over.
Now every day I will look for small miracles in my life and I will cherish every day like the last one ….
Until the next meeting on the other side of the fence.


I reconciled and completely lost myself. not the time when I could not sleep and be responsible for myself. 13 years ago it didn’t matter to me, day or night I was alive and resilient to everything

now otherwise, I’m afraid to mix day and night because my psyche and sleep cycle suffer from it again. that even today after doing the project and not sleeping, I slept almost all day and still want to.

I am old and losing strength and patience, today I will need to take medication and go to bed normally… ..

although, I come to life at night, out of habit and apparently should not complain….

To Be Continued……


a long night awaits me today, but I have finally gathered myself all in one place… .. later all my work is finished.

I also fixed the domains that didn’t work or didn’t need me, now everything in its place, and as much as needed (or used)…

please see:

Silence before the storm

last night was scary and beautiful …. storm and thunderstorm enchanted me with its power ….
I sat in my office and watched through the window and asked what fate wanted to tell me.
just felt so small and the music in the headphones matched my mood and the charm of the moment …..

unfortunately, I have no evidence but you will have to believe my word …..

stuck in a middle and creative block

my writing project stuck in a middle of creative block aka laziness….. sometimes I stare at the screen and no ideas coming through

I have a lot of material on paper, but how it makes a systematic and readable for people to understand, maybe I start with writing prompts…. and if something interesting surface it became a novel or smth interesting…….

gone to a writing session

I need to get away from everything social… I went to a writing session, that I need to do a long time ago…

i promise for myself that now I really cut off all that jazz…

I plan to do for two straight weeks…. so, see you soon internets. I put a counter on my Lithuanian site so you can check my time left……

little birthday & things that I’m looking for

I’m still frustrated, I’m almost crawling trough this lockdown but I’m still alive and this is good news for me…

this Wednesday is my little love’s birthday and I’m looking for it… and I don’t know what gift I should buy or maybe make by hand.

my biggest dream, that all this lockdown was over… I want to move to the road again. I really miss that feeling of the open road or boaring travel by bus…

but my collector’s dream come true, and I obtain TROJAN Records box sets that I need to complete my old school reggae collection

still here, still alive

when the end draws near in the cities, we still locked down….. and again I’m still crazy and alone. I still alive and here, crawling or scrolling trough lockdown

I still waiting to crash again, but now I don’t give up… I need to prove to myself and others that I can live despite lockdown and stroke after stroke. it’s hard but I don’t have any choice.

I’m still here, I’m still alive because I have people who try to understand and help, that’s is important for me…

when people try to listen

it’s nothing to brag about, but yesterday I feel like I’ve listened at last….. now, I feel better and stronger, then people help me overcome my darkness

I respect people with understanding and silent voices, like Z. I respect her more and more because she tries not to shout and find solutions to problems and hurdles.

some good news for the evening

now, I’m happy…. after a talk with the head of the medical department we make an agreement about medications. and after it, I don’t want to go to ward, but simply I waith a nurse shift and see how things go…

the agreement is simple, if I don’t need meds, I return back to staff…